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This past several weeks, I seem to have the case of mild depression. This is nothing unusual as I have had the case at this time of the year in the past. (I also hear many others suffer from it.) It could be due to the fact that winter is not my favorite season as I much prefer to be outside. I also suffer from allergy, which brings headache among other things.
This year, however, I have some additional factors that have made it harder to get out. Some reasons are 1) I have wondered as to how to proceed with the seminar/workshop series I have hosted in the past several years 2) I have been paranoia as I feel that the world is moving much more quickly than I can catch up with 3) Whenever I read/encounter literature in a variety of fields, I realize that I have not studied basics and wondered how I wasted my several decades. I find myself not able to make a move for the type of things I need to do (but not easy tasks).
I believe I have got out of that status (not yet fully recovered) now and can reflect a bit as to how I got out. Several factors I can identify 1) seek/welcome interaction with people (seminar, meeting, get-togethers etc.) 2) decided to start from basics as I realized that is the only way 3) asked friends as to what I should read/attend to get basics and to keep up.

I had to push myself to go to the meetings (I could have made a list of excuses), only to find that my brain starts working in the meeting and my heart gets inspired by impressive stories. I started reading/studying basics again with some reference from friends. Some programs and books I have difficulty understanding, but have continued.  I made a request and applied with “Why not?”(DAME MOTO) spirit.

I believe I am pretty much out of it.  At least I feel ready when I get up in the morning and feel goo and relaxed enough to smile when I see happy family and/or couples. As I had my KOKI birthday a week ago, I am physically one year older, and probably my physical stamina has been down somewhat.  But as long as my spirit is high, I feel I can live for now and here.

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